My Passion For Life is Restored!

It’s amazing how the little things in life can affect usso profoundly. A short little story did this for me. As a child I was skinny and gangly with more limbs than anything else running through the woods, climbing trees, playing war with my sisters and neighbors, fishing…you know, doing all the things little girls do. Through high school, I knew after graduation I was going places. I had the world in the palm of my hand and I could do anything, go anywhere, and that’s what I was going to do. So after graduation, ready and excited to go make my mark on the world, I fell in love and chose to get married and make my life with my husband and I’ve been here ever since.

After getting married I started to gain weight and my ambition seemed to disappear. I started to have good or bad days, not make them. I allowed other people to dictate my life, and I gave them the power to make me unhappy and afraid of taking chances. Twelve years later I had gone from a determined, ambitious 160 lb. bride to a self-conscious, discouraged 235 lb. self-employed massage therapist and I was miserable. I was so ashamed of my appearance I became reclusive and refused to leave the house unless I had to. I was suffering, my marriage was suffering, my business was suffering, and I allowed it to interfere with friendships by not wanting to interact with anyone. I was content to hide in my world of shame, but I really didn’t want to stay there. I wanted out. Something had to give, and soon.

Three years ago I sat at my computer searching for website ideas and I came across this intriguing story. Here’s this woman, a massage therapist working on a movie set. She’s exhausted and at her limit when this huge stuntman walks in asking for a deep tissue massage. In order to get through the massage, she climbs up, grabs a bar overhead and uses her feet instead of her hands to give what she was told was the best massage ever received. Now, I’ve seen this kind of massage before and I have always been fascinated and intrigued with it, but I have never really thought it was something I could do. This story, however, had me aching to try this so badly. I knew this was for me. There was only one problem, well…two problems:

Problem # 1: I was 235lbs. Who’s going to let me climb on them?

Problem # 2: I had the driest most cracked and rough feet ever. (Something I always 

attributed to genetics and figured there was nothing I could do about it)

Yeah, overweight woman with extremely dry, rough feet…they’ll be lining up for that one! I read the story one more time, sighed in discouragement and disgust with myself, and closed the page believing another dream over before it even began. But I would always remember it and think of it often. Not only because I wanted to be a part of the Ashiatsu family, but also because I wanted to be that person. I wanted to be ambitious and tenacious enough to do what needed to be done to achieve any goal I desired. I didn’t yet understand all I had to do was get off my rear end and do it.

One year later I was still 235lbs, my feet were still just as cracked and dry, but now I had plantar fasciitis so bad it took ten minutes to walk twenty feet so I started going to PT. It would take over a year for it to completely go away. I started massaging lotion on my feet before bed each night to help with the fasciitis, and on a whim, just to see if it would help, I wore socks afterward. It wasn’t long before I noticed a difference in my skin. They weren’t as cracked or dry and they actually started to feel a little softer. Could it really be this easy? Foot problem solved! But I was still fat.

Another year later, once the fasciitis had pretty much gone away, I lay in bed feeling disgusting, ugly, and angry at myself over the weight I had gained the past 14 years. I couldn’t even bear to look in a mirror for crying out loud! There was no excuse for me to be like this. This was not me. I vowed that night I was going to make some changes. I was going to take my life back!

The next morning, I pulled out the scale, dusted it off, and stepped on. 235 pounds. Okay, not feeling so great about the number, but it’s a place to start. In a few weeks, it won’t be 235, it will be less. My first goal: get below 230. I can do this. I loaded some songs on my MP3 player, started walking, and made changes in my diet I was ready and willing to make. The first 3 weeks were very discouraging. I wasn’t losing a thing! When I was walking I pushed myself, and realized how out of shape I truly was. I wanted to cry. I was always in good shape when I was young. How could I do this to myself?!

That summer I started doing chair massages at a local athletic club, and I was still looking for website ideas. I came across a website, which I liked, but unfortunately I can’t remember the therapist or name of her business (only that she practices on the east coast). Looking through the pages of her site, I saw a photo of her standing over her client and using her feet. Instantly I thought of the story I read 2 years before and wondered if it was the same thing. I felt that fire ignite like when you discover something that’s going to be no matter what it takes, and I looked a little more closely at this website to see if I could find something that would give me more information on this type of massage. What are the weight requirements? What are the physical requirements? What kind of training is required, and where do I sign up? I found the link to deepfeet.com, and all my questions were answered.  I decided then and there this was for me. I didn’t care what it took or what I had to do…I was going to learn Ashiatsu.

Since I had gotten out of the habit of walking for a couple months, it had also been 2 months since I had weighed myself, and I was actually expecting a higher number than the last time. I didn’t care. I wanted this bad enough that the scale was going down! I got home, dusted of the scale…again…and stepped on. 228! I reached my first goal! Feeling elated, excited and ambitious for the first time since I went to school for massage 6 years prior, I started walking again. I asked the trainer at the athletic club to help me get in shape, and I started making better decisions for me and my body. After that first initial goal, things seemed to fall into place. Eating healthier and exercising were things I wanted to do and got excited about. In no time I was down 20 lbs., then 40 lbs. One year later, I am down 67 lbs. to 168, and I only have 13-20lbs to go to reach my goal weight. I am in the best shape of my life, I’m happy and I have my drive and ambition back. Oh, and the best part is one month ago I started offering Ashiatsu to my clients! In July of this year, eleven months after my decision to do this, I was able to attend Ashiatsu training and it was amazing. Cindy you are a fabulous teacher and an amazing person, and Ruthie you have created something so wonderful and your passion and tenacity is truly inspiring! Thank you for supplying me with one of the biggest motivational goals in my life. I have learned so much from this experience and I will never allow myself or anyone to tell me I can’t do something because it’s too hard. If I want something bad enough I’ll work for it and make it happen, simple as that.

Catching up

I know it's half way through April, and I am supposed to check in every month for my New Year's Resolution. I have no excuse, and to be honest, I am having a very, very difficult time finding something new to do every month. February went amazingly well with doing something special with the kids every weekend. We had so much fun sliding, having sleepovers, going to movies, and just playing together. I am proud to say I am still doing that with the kids. Today the girls and I made Spiced Oatmeal Raisin cookies, and although I don't really care for oatmeal cookies, I have to say these were really, really, really good! The kids and I can't get enough of them!

For the month of March, I was a very busy Massage therapist, mommy, wife, and woman. My daughter was in her first play, I decorated my office...something I never did before because I could never decide on what I wanted. I was always afraid I would find something better. I finally made the decision to decorate it anyway, and if I found something better, so what? There are no rules saying I can't change it. So I am a few nails for pictures away from finishing it, and I can't even begin to describe how amazing it feels!

 April...I know it's half over, and I wish I could say I've already done something I've never done before, but I wouldn't be honest. So...for the month of April, I'm going to turn a window into a picture frame. I found an old wood window in a box someone had marked free. I want to scrape it clean, put some pictures in it, and get it up on my wall. Ordinarily it would sit  forever until it either broke or I just got rid of it. Not this time. I'm going to clean it up, and find some pictures to put in there, mat them, and put it up on the wall. By April 30th, I will at least have it ready for the pictures if not completed. 

February

I know, I know...January kind of ran away on me! Wow!

Ok, first things first. I did OK only on my January resolution of cooking something new every week. I forgot all about it the first week, and was able to stick to three weeks of putting something new on the menu. They were all easy, and that's fine. As a working mother of three, I don't want fancy meals that take all day to cook. The other week I missed was due to a death in the family. I just wanted to make sure the kids were fed, and relied on easy and fast meals I could just do with my eyes shut. All in all, I'm not happy with my effort in of January's resolution, but I'm pleased with it.

For the month of Feb, this is my plan. I have four weekends in which to do this. I have felt very guilty in the past for not taking the effort to do things with the kids. My goal in Feb, for at least two, if not all the weekends, is to do something very fun and special with the kids. Take them sliding, skating, to a movie, it doesn't matter. They deserve to have fun, and I'm the one responsible for making sure they have it. I have decided this is one I am going to keep for more than Feb. As long as they do their chores and responsibilities, they will have fun on the weekends. Tonight there is supposed to be a community sleigh ride and skating party at the park, and I want to bring the kids. That will be the first. Tomorrow, there is something my daughter has been begging to go to all week, and I really want to take her. Weather permitting, we will be going. She'll love it! 

I'm excited for this month, and excited to do things with my babies!

January

Merry Christmas!! I hope you are enjoying your holiday season as much as I am!

New Year's Day is only a week away, and I have been thinking all month long about what I'm going to do in January that I've never done before. I was all excited thinking I would take my kids down hill skiing, since I have never done that before, but I have to strengthen my knee first...dr's orders. Oh well, maybe February.  

For the month of January, I decided to take it easy due to financial and physical restrictions. I love to cook. I have three children who love food, and I have in the past found myself relying on the most common staples in our home. This week, I have decided to make one new dish I have never cooked before each week. It doesn't have to be fancy or even take all day. It only has to be new to us. Now, to look up some recipes on my favorite allrecipes.com and see what I can find! :)

New Year's Resolutions

Ok, so normally I'm not one for New Year's resolutions. If you're going to make a change, don't wait, start right now and get it going.  I know, I know...it's a whole new year, time to start something fresh, make some changes, etc. 

And why don't we have birthday resolutions? That's a whole new year and beginning as well. I know when I turned 30, I was so excited about the prospect of a new decade, a chance to make it really count. As of Nov. 15, I am 36, and though I have had some big accomplishments, I don't have many memories and stories to tell. Nor have I learned anything new or explored who I am. So this is what I have decided I am going to do starting New Year's Eve. Yes, I am actually going to have a resolution this year. 

Starting Jan. 1/2011, I am going to learn something new every month. It doesn't have to be a skill, it can also be informative or educational. I am going to take the next few weeks to think about what I want to learn or do in January, and I'm going to do it. It doesn't have to be extravagant, but it does have to be something I have never done before.

I will post what I'm going to do the week before the first of that month. It can be anything from sports, to craft, to research. Finishing these projects is also required if I choose a project or craft. It does not have to be completed by the end of the month, but no procrastination either. I have to work on it, and get it finished. Last, it does not have to take the whole month. It can be something that takes one day, even an hour. After the "project" for the month is done, I will post about it.  

The whole idea is to not be afraid to get out of my comfort zone and live outside the box a little. If something looks fun to do, I want to do it. I want to live and make some memories and have some fun making them.

Paying a tribute

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Eva Cassidy. I was listening to her again today, and each time I hear her beautiful voice singing her renditions of remakes and originals, I think of her life, and how it was cut so short. She was so earthy and real. So humble and in love with music it's astonishing.

She died in 1996 a victim of cancer as so many are, and at the young age of 33.  Now more than ever, even 14 years after she has gone, people adore her and her music. Her ability to put so much emotion and feeling into "Somewhere over the Rainbow" and "What a Wonderful World" is...well...there really are no words I can come up with to describe it. All of her songs are that way. I have yet to hear a song of hers I don't like (unless I didn't like the song itself to begin with).

I hope that I remember to live my life with the same amount of passion she had for her family and music. I have so much that I want to do, and so much that I dream about, and I am not getting younger. I still have every intention of living my life and making my own dreams come true. Waiting for them to happen is not going to make them happen. I want my children to grab life by the horns and have the ride of their life. When it's their time to go, many, many years from now, I want them to go saying "that was AWESOME!" The only way to teach them that is to do it myself.

I dropped my baby's worth in weght!

My little man weighs 23lbs, and that is exactly what I have lost! I have never lost this much in my life, and it's the most wonderful feeling ever! 

I have worked hard to get here, and I have no intention of ever gaining it back again! I sweated, limped, moaned and groaned, ached, swore, and all the fun stuff that goes with it! It's awesome! 

Yes, I have lost 23lbs, but what's even better is I earned that loss, I worked hard to get here, and I'll continue to work hard to get to my next goal, and the one after that, and when I reach my goal, I will work hard to maintain it.